Boundaries in Pleasant Places
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
Psalm 16:6
When in a social setting or group get together, the topics always come up of a hiking or rafting trip being planned, fun adventures on the trails or at the sporting game from, morning runs, zumba classes, or talk of going on some action-packed trip that wouldn’t be accessible to someone like me.
I try to be a part of the conversation about how fun it all sounds, asking details of what they are talking about and who went or who’s going, yet also pushing down the familiar feeling of being left out since I’m not able to participate or wasn’t invited. I try to hold back tears on my way home even though I’m immediately taken back to memories from middle school when relay races were the big activity that I’d just watch.
When with a group of friends, it’s hard to not feel like I’m missing out. Even when I’m physically present, there’s movement… from place to place, dancing around or standing… group charades, games, interacting in multiple forms. Sitting and talking isn’t always the mood, especially when I’m with a younger crowd. I’ve had to frequently remind myself that I’m not missing out. I have so much going on, and I need to stay in my lane. What does my lane involve? Coffee shop sitting, meeting for lunch, having a glass of wine with a friend, painting or drawing, reading or journaling. I can’t relate to sports or gym classes or walking around shopping, unless the people I want to shop with are willing to plan ahead and put my scooter together.
Living with physical hardships and limits puts boundaries in place. They seem strict and harsh, unfair and disappointing, but honestly, beyond hiking trips and going on runs, my life isn’t much different than other people’s. In the many moments I feel bummed to sit out during certain activities or am not invited to a group rafting trip, which is more often than I ever thought It would be, I can find myself hopeless and heartbroken.
But I’m so tired of missing out in life. I’m not stuck in a boring routine of coffee shop sitting while the world around me is on these exciting adventures….
I have to immediately tell myself, “Alyssa, stay in your lane, God has other things for you” and force my perspective to shift.
Writing a book in an adventure. Creating art is an adventure. Having a disability, though not enjoyable, has been the greatest adventure of all... leading me to unique people and places and opportunities. Within the boundaries of having a physical disability has been the surrender of my perceived expectation of what a good life is or what life “should” look like. It has created a daily dependence on God to get me through, give me strength for the day, and do what He wants in and through my life since I cannot control or change anything about a discouraging diagnosis. That daily reminder that I have to accept my boundaries has made me start to see them as guard rails, leading me on a different path of unexpected blessing and towards my calling.
These guard rails have kept me on a path of what God has for me and have kept me within boundaries that I see have protected me, matured and grown me, strengthened me, and developed me. Within my unique boundaries, I’ve fully given myself to art, writing, encouraging others, and pursuing a deeper relationship with God. Within the boundaries of needing to sit more and pursue sedentary activities, I’ve grown in awareness of what and who is around me and have had to learn to move slowly, which has forced me to be more present in each moment and not rush through life. I’ve gained an appreciation for the little things, and I can find contentment in staying still and just being.
Though I can still wrestle with feeling stuck sometimes, wishing I could break free from a body that keeps me from moving freely, I must shift my perspective of what I can do and on who God says I am. While it’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap, I choose to be faithful with what and who is in front of me and fully give myself to those things. I see God open doors and breathe on my dreams in unique ways by meeting me exactly where I’m at and bringing excitement to my days. We all have boundaries and limits in different seasons, but we must trust that we are strategically placed where we are by God, who orders our steps and directs our paths. When we choose to trust His leading and let our weakness become an opportunity to rely on His strength, we can see our boundaries falling in pleasant places and for our good.